Stepping into 2019 I feel like I have a better understanding of self than I did walking into 2018. 2018 was a year of emotional awareness and accountability. I journeyed out thinking that I would progress within my career and hopefully mend a few relationships. That couldn’t have been further from the result.

2018 has been a recovery year, I was redeveloping a new sense of me. Trying to understand that who I was, was no longer; and who I am now is completely different with different operations. Aside from relearning and strengthening my physical capabilities, I sought to solidify my foundational relationships. Re-evaluating those “Day 1’s” and the way certain relationships I am in operate. From mom on down, I insisted on better communication and acceptance on both my worldview as well as theirs. Learning that some more than others were incapable of understanding or even being open to such an adjustment.

Leading me to the biggest lesson learned. Expectations are the root of disappointment. Not saying that people can never live up to your expectations, some can.  Although, in having and placing expectations on how specific relationships are to interact or take place hinders the relationship. Being in such a relationship, one has now accepted a title that has very different meanings for either party.  Leading you to operate in different ways with some unpredictable results. The value of the relationship now varies depending on each person.

After finding this out the hard way,  I refuse to confine people to specific expectations or titles as they may not have any interest in holding them in the same regard that I do. THAT IS OKAY. The baggage that is carried because you seemingly care more or have more interest in having such a relationship is draining, to say the least. I nor anyone that is walking this earth should have the time to constantly feel at lost because people that should walk out of our lives do.  Although it feels like a loss, it’s not. For that very reason, I let myself off the hook for certain actions and even purposeless relationships. I wish them the best, but thank you, next.

I’m so thankful for 2018 because i will be able to continue my journey of inner peace and self-acceptance in 2019. This year I will be a striving to be healthy in all sense of the word; mentally, physically, and emotionally. Doing the work that is necessary for true progression. It won’t happen overnight, but it will be worth it. Stay tuned, incredible things are underway. Hello, 2019!

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” 

Anais Nin