I cried today… I cried a hurt and abandoned cry. One that had been bouncing around my spirit waiting to be released. A cry that mourned for the loss of me. The undeniable cry of pain, loss, and unconscionable frustration. An acceptance cry of the fact that I lost me a while ago. somewhere in between the rise for self comfortably and grasped achievements. I was living my “best life”. Singing and stepping high with praises. My elevation; a process so maintained and awaited. I was steaming with excitement. There in the moment of welcomed progress split into an alternate reality. Forcing limited abilities and the separation of identity between the new and the old to become my new reality. Here in this space I have become paralyzed with fear. Unmoving to the beat of my own drum because the drum no longer exists. Left behind are only the pieces to create a new one with no instructions. In this place, anxiety is active and an abundant force. Imprisoning me in my known inabilities to progress in a mental capacity. With active replay of what used to be on display as “what will never be …. again”.

“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.”

Maya Angelou