Family . . . socially is to be a structure and group of people who are supposed to be predisposed to nurture, educate, and protect those that are born into the lineage. Such a loaded term, that really carries the weight of what to some seems to be too much of a responsibility that many fail to live up to. Unfortunately when we run into those that lack such ownership of these responsibilities we are left in the trap of their dysfunction and despair; usually as children.
The beginnings of childhood trauma usually coming from an adult or teen family members who are distraught in their own thinking and lives that refuse to address their own issues. Yet often its a collective attack on the child involved. From the initial violation and cause of trauma to the family member who is thought to be a savior who actively turns a blind eye to the acts violation.
The presence of active ignorance is probably the most burning part. Especially when looking to find confront from the person who sat by and watched you in despair riddled with the effects of another presence in your life. Yet, when acting with the only emotions you know when feeling under attack, you are deemed disrespectful because your words aren’t tactful. ?Rude, because you don’t respect the presence of others because no one ever respected you as a person. Selfish, because no one ever chose you, so now you are.
Dealing with childhood trauma, for a lack of better words, is a b*tch. It tests every fiber of your being. The act of trying to address all the hurt you have inside and having to walk away with a lousy justification of another’s actions. Such actions that have greatly affected your life beyond the moment that the actions took place. Knowing that an apology will never be given and that you have to cope with the turmoil that lives inside.
After many conversation and backhanded apologies, i really don’t know if I would ever get over the things I experienced as a child. Do i feel like it was unfair? Absolutely. Do i blame more than one family member? Definitely. Do i forgive them? I am working on it. Honestly, it’s hard to justify forgiveness when there are still things left unsaid due to death. As well as repeated actions that contradict the apologies that have been given. Childhood trauma quickly turns into emotional inadequacy as an adult. It’s just really unfortunate that those that experience it, myself included have to repair the damage left behind with little to no assistance.
There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.
Laurell K. Hamilton
Family should protect each other period! But sadly that is not the case in so many situations and it?s truly beyond sad. Then they tell you to get over it but it?s hard to get over something that has shaped a large part of who you are as an adult. Continue working on you and attempting to forgive. I am and probably never will be the person to tell someone they have to forgive someone. Do we need to forgive someone yes, but only truly for YOU!! Forgiveness heals you it does not exonerate the person who did the unforgivable to you!!!
Thanks so much for being so transparent.
I have had family members experience childhood trauma and I used to find it hard to relate to them because I did not experience similar things (we didn?t live in the same household).
However, I carried a lot of blame and was even blamed by them for ?knowing? (which I truly didn?t and after lots of therapy they understood I was being truthful).
I can only imagine how difficult this is and family dynamics are always a tough one to navigate through
So thank you for speaking up and sharing your truth.
Thanks for sharing. I believe communication is key when toxic things happen. Its hard to see past certain acts and actions of everyone when trying to navigate why, and how. More importantly how to move on and where to begin.
I love your post Aja and can heavily relate that?s why I named my blog color my scars. But yes definitely great read and keep it up girllll!!!
I so agree with your childhood definitely changes the person you end up becoming…. You can only learn from your experiences and how people treated you. That?s why there are many broken family also, they follow in the footsteps of what they went through as a child. So loved this ready ??
This touched me so much!! There so much at the age of 31 I realized that I experienced as a child which had a great impact on my teens and 20s. And I am just grateful to God that I am where I am now because if me sharing makes people feel as related to, or even as encouraged as reading this made me feel than it’s worth it. Especially the younger generations facing battles now. God uses the worst in our lives to do some great things. Stay strong sis.
This touched me so much. Stay strong sis, I’m convinced now that God uses the ugliest things in our story to make beautiful testimonies. And those testimonies help others because life is not easy, unfortunately. However I know your transparency will help someone else out there so thank you for that!
Thank you for your encouragement! It’s so appreciated!
Aja this is an important topic! It?s diffcult because it?s a domino effect: the toxic adult imposes negative/toxic behavior on the child. We?re then expected to suppress our emotions which can cause even more havoc. Mental awareness/emotional awareness is something that needs to be talked about more often.
I definitely agree. An element that people ignore is having an awareness of one’s self and needs. Mostly by getting caught up in others opinion of what your life is and should be. Its so important to be cognizant of the effect experiences have on a persons life.