They say problems or issues come in threes. I have been living out my threes believing that I am handling them as they arrive with a clear mind and some sense of peace. Yet, I’m growing weary and tired of the back to back tidal waves. From trying to self-care responsibly to feeling completely drained to where my self-care Sundays became useless. I am at my breaking point.
Dealing with stress and the various things that trigger it has always been a challenge. Aside from going through various hurdles, it’s not always easy to navigate them. I usually take the proactive approach to challenge my obstacles as a means of trying to see them as being a temporary roadblock along my journey of life. In doing so I oftentimes don’t relish in the fact that I may be hurt or uncomfortable when dealing with them initially.
Upon the build-up of tension, stress, and problematic issues, I erupt both mentally and physically. From spewing multiple emotions at once to physically being ill. I have never been able to process the build prior to its explosion. Often times I reach a point when self-care Sundays and all its to-do aren’t enough.
At these moments I don’t need a trip for ice cream, I don’t need to talk to my girl, I just need me. I need to think about where I am in that moment. Just to actually feel what I am feeling in its entirety. Whether it’s needing to cry, scream, or even just roll up into a ball and sleep for a could of hours. It’s in those moments where ?self-care Sundays? aren’t enough that really it’s just the moment that I can’t go on being numb to my own emotions. It’s not that the act of self-care doesn’t work it’s simply the fact that you can only mask emotions temporarily.
It’s in these moments when I question how ?real? I actually am because I often have to hide my opinions and emotions from the people and environments surrounding me because it isn’t accepted or even thought of being valid. I guess it’s just the dose of reality that reminds me that you are working overtime is space that doesn’t feel as welcoming.